I’m Ghadeer and this is my first official blog post. I’m someone who loves writing and has been doing it since I was a child, so I’d love to be successful in this endeavor.
Motherhood has been a huge change for me, as it is for all first time moms. Going from no children to one child is your life flipping completely upside down. I’m someone who has struggled a lot with mental health issues. Me being a first time mom, married to someone who was mentally and emotionally abusive, and spreading myself way too thin, things ended up coming to a head.
I fell into a deep depressive state but I put on a nice little show for everyone so no one knew but me. At work, they just thought I was lazy. At home, I forced myself to give my daughter what she needs and do what I could around the house. It was never enough for my husband. All that and going to school part time took it’s toll and I ended up in the hospital. I was admitted in-patient to a psych ward. I was lucky and ended up in a good hospital. Minnesota apparently has the best mental health facilities in the USA.
I wasn’t going to work, I wasn’t doing schoolwork, and I wasn’t responsible for meeting my daughter’s needs. My husband came around every day during visiting hours and only told me how hard it was on him for me to be in the hospital. As if it was all my fault. As if I should have just sucked it up and moved on.
Being in that place, I realized how bad he was for me. I wanted to repair it, though. I wanted to change his mind. When I was discharged, I went through two partial hospitalization programs. The first one was a regular one out of the same hospital. I was the only new mom in the group. Everyone else either didn’t have kids or their kids were already grown up. The second one was a lovely mother-baby program. My daughter was too old to bring into the group (<12 months), but I was surrounded by new moms. That was where the real healing happened for me.
I decided to end my relationship with my husband. I needed, and still need, to work on myself. I’m doing a lot of trauma work currently. I wanted to start this blog to talk about mental health and parenting. Being a person who struggles with their own emotions can cause you to struggle with your child’s emotions, which will create a cycle. Let’s break the cycle together.